Mind Candy

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Posts Tagged ‘communication’

Why it’s important to say “I love you”

Posted by mandyf on February 7, 2012

Saying I love you is something so simple, yet all too often, it is also something we take for granted. That tiny little three word phrase is one of the most powerful strings of words in the world that all humans long to hear, yet when we examine our day many of us may not hear it enough, and saddest of all some may not hear it once. As a child it is something we often say without even thinking of it, yet as adults the words all too often become harder to say. In some cases, for reasons we don’t always understand even though we know how important saying it is.

It is important to say I love you because it is reassuring. As humans we all have vulnerabilities, especially when it comes to the way we perceive how others feel about us. The husband that goes days on end without actually hearing those words from his wife may get insecure and vise versa. Not hearing an I love you returned or spontaneously offered can create doubts because it is our natural reaction to let our mind wander and try to find reasons why those words have not been said. Usually the only reasons that are formulated are negative reasons, so saying I love you removes that doubt and reassures a person that everything is okay and there is no need to worry.

In the parent child dynamic it lets each side know that even though they are inevitably not going to see eye to eye on many things that disagreeing does not mean love is absent. For a child it is especially important that they hear they are loved often because it provides them with a sense of security. A part of growing up is making mistakes and getting into trouble which both sometimes lead to punishment or some negative outcome. It is important that they know that although they may have done something wrong, they are still loved, that love is not something to be used as a weapon. For a parent it is important to hear I love you from your child because it recharges the parental batteries and reminds us that every sacrifice made for our children is worth it.

As friends it is important we say I love you because it reaffirms the bonds we share and lets people know how important they are to us. In some cases a friend may not have anyone else in their life that tells them they are loved. While not hearing from someone that you are loved by won’t end a life like loss of oxygen, it can lead to depression and a malaise that drags a person down and creates a defeatist attitude. Just telling them they are loved now and then can rectify that in such a simple way and lift them up that to to not say it seems ridiculous.

Couple circa 4th of July, 1941

It is important we tell people we love them because we cannot see the future. The reality of life is that death will eventually find us all and we never know when that will happen. There are few things sadder than watching a person carry the regret of not having told someone they were loved one last time, or even once at all.

It is important we say I love you often and to everyone we do love because while it is good for them to hear, it is equally good for us to say it. The more we say it the more we hear it in return. It fosters a greater tolerance for each other and smooths the waters the ship of life sails over. It costs us nothing to say it and serves as one of the greatest medicines known to man. Hearing I love you heals so many wounds and serves to prevent others from forming. Saying I love you is important for all the above reasons and countless others, so please remember to say it to someone everyday, it can change both of your lives.

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Things you should never say to your teenage daughter

Posted by mandyf on January 24, 2012

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but teenage daughters are from somewhere beyond anyplace the Hubble telescope has managed to pick up yet. Communicating with a teenage girl requires an interpreter, a lot of patience, and I would say common sense but sometimes that even fails to penetrate the atmosphere around your teen daughter. Okay, maybe not yours, but definitely mine. I’ve searched high and low for the right things to say to mine, but in the end I’ve only managed to find out what not to say which has proved equally valuable.

Rule number one is to never use the word forbid! This gets their brain firing like a feline needing a catnip fix. This is a challenge, you’re throwing down the gauntlet. I was once said “I forbid you to get a nose ring.” Now in all fairness my little precious did not come home with a nose ring. She came home with a belly button ring, a tongue stud, and some piece of metal that kept staring at me from the eyebrow area on the right side of her face. She put up a good defense citing she did just as I said and avoided the whole nose ring thing. Being right was little consolation when she was sitting in her room for a month after school though.

Never ever under any circumstances use the words “around” or “about” when discussing time. You have to be specific! I once said be in by around ten. That is not specific. What I should have said was “be in by ten p.m. on the night of 12/09/2007” because that is concrete. What I originally said using the word around ten somehow makes it’s way through the auditory system of a teenage girl as maybe eleven or twelve, or even the tenth day of the month. Ten p.m. is generally “around” that time in the grand scheme of things. Who knows? You have to remember putting information in their mind is like programming a computer, if it is not literal it is open to a huge world of interpretation and fills in the blanks with the most personally pleasing data.

Never tell your teenage daughter you did the Phoebe Cates - EVER!!

Never ever tell them about the things you did when you were their age, unless of course it’s something like getting a job and saving money for college, or perhaps volunteering with the sick and elderly. Somehow a teenage girl is wired to store every single thing you have ever said and throw it right back at you the exact second you try to punish them for doing the same thing. They will use it against you in the snippiest most snide way possible so you walk away from the exchange looking like the evil unjust hypocrite and they look like poor persecuted Snow White. Even worse than that it’s possible they will attempt the things you did and try to pawn off their shenanigans as some sort of alternate universe form of bonding. It’s not uncommon to hear things in this scenario like “but mom, I was just trying to be like you were when you were my age.” Don’t fall for it!

Never tell them what kind of boy, or girl depending on their preference, to date. No matter what you say they will go directly against it. That is unless of course you tell them to go for the bad boy. Never say “date the kid with a charge for grand theft auto and a snake tattooed on his forehead” because they will do it! Even if they don’t want to they will do it to spite you and prove their point. What that point is I’m not even clear on and I did that to my parents as a teen! In fact don’t even talk to them about dating, just let them figure it out on their own and when the are hopelessly lost they will come to you and maybe consider listening to your advice. Of course whatever you say will be wrong and they will blame you for their dateless dilemma so it doesn’t really matter anyway.

Nah, she wouldn't dare rebel...not your little precious

Don’t tell your teenage daughter anything you wouldn’t want used against you in a court of law or blabbed about to the public in general. Teenage girls gossip and yours is no different. It used to take a whole night and hours on the phone to spread a juicy morsel, now it reaches the world in audio, text, and sometimes video in a matter of seconds thanks to cell phones and computers. Remember what you said to your spouse about your neighbor Marjorie and what she did with the UPS man when her husband was at work? Your daughter sure will and that is why before you yourself gossip in the home you need to go down to the Bat Cave and enter the cone of silence. Anything you say in the house, no matter how quietly you whisper, your teen daughters bionic hearing will pick up and instantly disseminate.

It is easy to go on and on for days about all the things to never say to your teenage daughter but if you stick to the above major no-no’s you should be okay for the most part. Most important is if the conversation ever turns to sex…fake a heart attack. Yes it’s cruel and extreme but sometimes it’s worth it.

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Topics to avoid in conversation during a first date

Posted by mandyf on October 4, 2008

It goes without saying you want a first date to be the best it possibly can, and while being able to talk in order to get to know each other is a key of a good first date there are topics you should avoid on the first date. This is not to say you can’t talk about important things, it just means you should use common sense and avoid the big five date killers the first time out. If you want to increase your odds of getting a second date, avoid an incident, and potentially suffer a miserable or truncated meeting, follow this advice and you’ll be well on your way.

 

Unless you met at a Young Republicans meeting or something like that stay away from politics! Even people that generally say they don’t care about or follow politics still have very strong opinions on the topic. You may make what you think is an innocent observation about the president or perhaps some piece of legislation in the news which absolutely turns your dates stomach. The wrong statement on politics could send your date to the bathroom and they may never return opting to quietly slide out. That’s better than starting an argument at least or even worse the silent date. Unless you love living way over the edge just avoid politics all together.

Even touchier than politics is…. Read the rest here: http://www.helium.com/items/1154072-topics-to-avoid-in-conversation-during-a-first-date

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