How exploring your own inner feelings can help save a marriage
Posted by mandyf on February 12, 2013
Two of the building blocks that must be present in any good marriage are honesty and trust. If you aren’t honest, eventually it is going to come back to bite you on the rear and when that happens the element of trust goes out the window with it. Being honest and having trust though doesn’t just relate to how you interact with your spouse, it is first and foremost a thing of self. As the saying goes if you aren’t taking care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
That last statement may sound odd, but the truth since we are on that topic, is that if you aren’t caring for yourself by being honest with yourself you cannot be honest with your spouse or care for them properly. If you are not being honest with yourself there will come a time you no longer trust yourself. You will question your judgment, motivations, emotions, and basically everything that runs through your mind. You find yourself asking the question “do I really feel this way, or am I feeling this way because it is how I think I’m supposed to feel?” If you can’t be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with?
As this issue becomes increasingly difficult to deal with for the individual, it begins creeping into their other relationships, none of which is more prominent than their spouse. The person failing to explore and come to grips with their inner feelings will often find they are asking them self a variety of questions like “when did we begin drifting apart?” or “when did things change so much?” The simple fact that a person has to ask them self such things is a sure sign they have issues within them self they have been avoiding. This is when it is ground zero in terms of getting in touch with ones inner feelings.
It is isn’t always an easy thing to do and it often requires professional help, which is recommended, but these feelings can be sorted out and honestly dealt with. It is human nature that we want to put a positive spin on things and only see the good and put the bad off to be dealt with later if ever. By making the choice to deal with these inner feelings the first step to saving a marriage has been taken because you are being honest with yourself that there is a problem you have to deal with. This first step is the hardest, but that in no way means the rest of the ride is smooth sailing.
Identifying your emotions specifically is the second step. This is far from easy which is way a professional therapist is invaluable in the process. We as humans tend to answer our own questions in the most convenient manner possible. While it feels good to do so and is easy it isn’t always correct. A therapist is able to objectively step in and question us further to see if a person is truly being honest. If it is determined they are not, they can then begin a series of exploratory questions to probe deeper and find the truth. One by one a persons inner feelings can be identified an dealt with in this manner until a full clear picture presents itself.
During this process the marriage begins healing itself because each partner is able to begin discussing the progress being made in an open and honest manner. Rather than keeping emotions inside and unresolved they are accessible and can processed as a couple. This demonstrates a heightened level of trust and shows that there is enough love and desire to save the marriage to do something most people would rather not ever deal with.
It is true that this does not save a marriage in all cases, sometimes even the best efforts fail to work. Even in those cases going through the process is of great benefit. Each person has had the opportunity to learn about themselves and what the want an need. It has been jointly determined in most of these cases that the marriage is not salvageable, but that it can be dissolved amicably. It further allows better odds for each person to move on to a new healthy relationship. More often than not though exploring ones inner feelings, especially with a therapist which is the best avenue and cannot be stressed enough, there is a very good chance a marriage can be saved and move from stagnation to a thriving relationship again.