Mind Candy

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Spoiled? How gifts help or hinder a relationship

Posted by mandyf on December 6, 2012

The correct gift given at the right time can be a tremendous boost for any relationship. Everyone enjoys a gift be it big or small just because it let’s them know that they were thought of. Likewise using gifts as a crutch rather than a genuine show of affection can be a curse that leads to even more problems that the gift was intended to “fix.”

The best gifts are genuine and given for no reason at all. They are the unexpected simple trinkets that you receive out of the blue. It isn’t about how much they cost so much as the thought behind them. In fact the best gifts are often those that don’t cost a dime. What makes them so effective is that it is a reminder that you are special and valued by someone. Everyone wants to feel that way so it is only natural that perhaps a small token of affection will light up anyone’s eyes, warm their heart, and generally make their day.

The other side of the coin is that giving too much is a real possibility, as is giving for the wrong the reasons. While it may sound nice to receive gifts regularly the truth is when they come as frequently as the mail they start to mean less. It sounds cruel to say that, but it is the truth. Suddenly they are no longer unexpected and eventually they have to get bigger and better just to reach the same reaction they brought when the process of gift giving began. In blunt terms you spoil someone and the need for more gifts can be as cruel as the need for more drugs in a metaphorical sense.

Another way giving gifts can hinder a relationship is when they are given for the wrong reasons. Everyone is well aware of the time honored tradition of one half of a couple doing something wrong whether it be forgetting a date, saying the wrong thing, or sometimes just not knowing how to make their partner feel better other than to give a gift to try to fix everything or buy some temporary forgiveness. In some cases people will even use gifts to try to actually buy someones affection. This is a horrible trend to start because as with the above example eventually everything will have to escalate to bigger and better. Even worse is that you never actually deal with the problem. In some cases giving gifts to try to weasel out of every problem or mistake will even be seen as an insult. Does anyone really want to feel like they can be purchased? That is what giving gifts too much can feel like after awhile.

A good rule of thumb is to give what you feel when you feel it is right. You don’t have to have a reason nor do you have to go overboard, just give from the heart and it will always be appreciated. It is when you constantly give to try to attain a quick fix or hold sway over someone that you are destined to run into problems. Sometimes the simplest answer is the right one. When it comes to giving gifts, that is almost always the case.

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