Learning to accept a gay child
Posted by mandyf on June 13, 2012
It is troubling that there is still the concept among us that people need to learn to accept their child is gay. In a lifetime of being gay I have yet to see the reverse said in which a couple needs to accept a heterosexual child. It must however be said in fairness in there are plenty of gay couples that have had to come to grips with their own child being gay just like heterosexual couples with the difference being it is a completely different mindset as to why they feel the necessity to need to learn to accept this.
The biggest thing to keep in mind when your child comes out to you is that it means somewhere along the line you did a good job as parents. That may seem to be an odd notion, however you have to remember the mindset of a young person and how fiercely they safeguard their personal information, especially that regarding their sexual life. The fact that they trust and respect you enough should be a first good strong indication that they take this very seriously and do know what they are saying. Take comfort in that and rather than expend your energy trying to convince them not be gay, focus that energy towards trying to help them be the best person they can be as you have done all along. This helps keep in perspective that gay or straight, this is still your child.
The next step is to avoid beating yourself up. You did nothing wrong as parents that caused your child to be gay, and similarly they did nothing wrong to be born gay. Whether you subscribe to a nature or nurture theory regarding the origins of homosexuality is at this point irrelevant. You have to first come to grips with the fact of life that there have always been gay gay, there will always be gay people, and it just happens your child is among that demographic. The more time you spend wondering why this happened, the less time you spend moving forward which is essential to both you.
Recognize that being gay does not mean your child is going to have a lesser life. As parents there is nothing more that we want to see than our children growing up to be well adjusted, happy and healthy. Simply being gay does not mean they have decreased educational and career opportunities, nor does it mean that they will have to live life alone in the shadows. These days a gay child has the ability to grow up and do anything a heterosexual child does. The barriers that once stood in their way are being plowed to the wayside each year. The fact is that as the world grows more liberal your gay child can even grow up to have a family of their own and provide you with grandchildren which even have their genetic markers meaning that you still have the potential to have a granddaughter with your eyes, or grandson with your jawline.
The biggest step to learning to accept your gay child however is to remember that this is your child and you love them. You love them when they do something right, you love them still even when they tick you off. You love your child regardless of whether you like or agree with everything about them because they are yours and there will never be another like them. Once you accept that and come to terms with the fact that not everyone walks the same path in life, which is actually a good thing, the easier it is to get beyond the fact your child is in fact gay and get back to being a loving supportive role model they can admire and love just as much as you love them.