Hello love, good-bye friendship
Posted by mandyf on May 31, 2012
Whenever I hear that a friend or family member is falling in love I cringe. I know I can count on them dropping off the face of the Earth for awhile, particularly when they are in the first stage that reminds you of that Seinfeld episode where he was so disgustingly sick with the “You’re Schmoopie” thing it makes you throw up in your mouth a little. I’ll admit I don’t mind missing that, what I do miss though is my quality time with my now love struck friend.
The worst offender in this regard is my best friend I’ll just call DK. Now DK is one of those wonderful guys any parent would love to have their daughter marry. As such, that also makes him the least likely guy almost any woman wants to date for too long until recently. When he goes into a relationship he is all in, there is no saving for later. It’s as if he’s always a yard from the end zone and looking to convert. In a way that’s good, but it drives me crazy. Even when he isn’t with the current love of his life for now and forever, he is doing something geared towards being with her. Dating is a 24/7 job for him with battle plans drawn, consultations, and backup plans for backup plans just in case.
With all that planning he becomes the wraith. We know he’s around, we see things around the house have moved, his phone is busy; little things so we know he’s alive at least. What we don’t see is him. He becomes harder to spot than Bigfoot in Manhattan. Even when I do catch a glimpse of him, it’s so fleeting I actually assume it’s a blur caused by eyestrain. That actually sounds more reasonable than thinking he’s actually there.
A perfect example of how much hello love, goodbye friendship applies to him is to chart the frequency of contact like the SETI program does for extra terrestrials. In the single eras of his life I can count on regular phone calls, plans to go places, even if its just shopping, and more than enough DK to make the cup of friendship spill over. In the dating era, I can count on a phone call about every 4-5 weeks when he is waiting for the girl of the quarter to be ready to go somewhere, or on his way home from seeing her if he feels the need to tell someone how awesome she is and how much fun they had. We make plans to do something real soon during these calls. Of course we don’t follow through, but we pretend they will really take place for the few minutes we share and then delete them as easily as an old email.
Eventually I can count on a mystery call from him in the late morning which means our friendship resumes, he’s just broken up. I know this because in the dating era, I’m an afterthought midnight call when there are plenty of valid reasons why it’s impossible to hang out then. The late morning call to go shopping means I need my friend right now. He’s not the only one by a long shot like this in my life, in fact almost all my “dating mode” friends are like this.
The thing is I don’t really mind it. I did it to people when I was on the market too so it’s fair play. The biggest reason I don’t mind is because eventually he and my other friends will get married one day, and after six months of that they’ll be looking for any possible reason to get away for day and we’ll hang out all the time again just like we did before. Love doesn’t mean friendship goes goodbye really, I think it really means something more like see you later.