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Why it’s important to say “I love you”

Posted by mandyf on February 7, 2012

Saying I love you is something so simple, yet all too often, it is also something we take for granted. That tiny little three word phrase is one of the most powerful strings of words in the world that all humans long to hear, yet when we examine our day many of us may not hear it enough, and saddest of all some may not hear it once. As a child it is something we often say without even thinking of it, yet as adults the words all too often become harder to say. In some cases, for reasons we don’t always understand even though we know how important saying it is.

It is important to say I love you because it is reassuring. As humans we all have vulnerabilities, especially when it comes to the way we perceive how others feel about us. The husband that goes days on end without actually hearing those words from his wife may get insecure and vise versa. Not hearing an I love you returned or spontaneously offered can create doubts because it is our natural reaction to let our mind wander and try to find reasons why those words have not been said. Usually the only reasons that are formulated are negative reasons, so saying I love you removes that doubt and reassures a person that everything is okay and there is no need to worry.

In the parent child dynamic it lets each side know that even though they are inevitably not going to see eye to eye on many things that disagreeing does not mean love is absent. For a child it is especially important that they hear they are loved often because it provides them with a sense of security. A part of growing up is making mistakes and getting into trouble which both sometimes lead to punishment or some negative outcome. It is important that they know that although they may have done something wrong, they are still loved, that love is not something to be used as a weapon. For a parent it is important to hear I love you from your child because it recharges the parental batteries and reminds us that every sacrifice made for our children is worth it.

As friends it is important we say I love you because it reaffirms the bonds we share and lets people know how important they are to us. In some cases a friend may not have anyone else in their life that tells them they are loved. While not hearing from someone that you are loved by won’t end a life like loss of oxygen, it can lead to depression and a malaise that drags a person down and creates a defeatist attitude. Just telling them they are loved now and then can rectify that in such a simple way and lift them up that to to not say it seems ridiculous.

Couple circa 4th of July, 1941

It is important we tell people we love them because we cannot see the future. The reality of life is that death will eventually find us all and we never know when that will happen. There are few things sadder than watching a person carry the regret of not having told someone they were loved one last time, or even once at all.

It is important we say I love you often and to everyone we do love because while it is good for them to hear, it is equally good for us to say it. The more we say it the more we hear it in return. It fosters a greater tolerance for each other and smooths the waters the ship of life sails over. It costs us nothing to say it and serves as one of the greatest medicines known to man. Hearing I love you heals so many wounds and serves to prevent others from forming. Saying I love you is important for all the above reasons and countless others, so please remember to say it to someone everyday, it can change both of your lives.


8 Responses to “Why it’s important to say “I love you””

  1. Emmie said

    I have to agree, it is important to say ‘I love you’ I say it every day to my other half, actually at least more than once. I say it often to my sister who lives across the country. You know, even if it’s not often, at least say it, that is the whole idea. I loved this post, it’s good to see people writing stuff that people take for granted like this. Have a great day!

  2. mandyf said

    Thank ypou so very much – and I am glad that you do get the point of it all.

  3. […] friend Mandy  (@zoe201015),  who has become one of the sharpest commentators on this blog,  observed:  The […]

  4. You write so movingly about relationships, I really enjoyed the post. The one thing that I’d add is the importance of sincerity. There are those who casually use “I love you” as a way to be friendly or, to be honest, to manipulate people. It’s not only important that one say, “I love you” but also that they do, truly and deeply.

    An insincere “I love you” just devalues the whole meaning of love and, when discovered, it can leave a person disillusioned at the whole possibility that love exists.

  5. There are people who have difficulty saying these words, I love you. But it can solve so many problems, heal so many wounds and build confidence in so many ways. Most of us can tell the difference between using the phrase as a token, even childern. But we can also tell when it is meant sincerely. I’m glad you wrote this article. Kindest wishes, Yordie

  6. Awesome post. I get busy and doing too many things; sometimes forgetting to say the obvious. After all, the folks that I love know that I love them…right. You are dead on accurate. Say it out loud…over and over and over again. I love you.

  7. mandyf said

    Exactly! We take it for granted that the people we love know that, but it never hurts to reaffirm it each day! Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to comment 🙂

  8. theeae said

    I need to hear it. I like to hear it but I am being told by a new significant other that I am just insecure for needing to hear it. I don’t think that’s a fair evaluation of me. I am a strong individual in all other aspects of my life. I tell my children that I love them and they always say it back and it feels good. My children have turned out to be confident and strong and successful and I am so proud of them. I do not think I told them that I loved them too many times! I meant it every time I said it and I wanted them to feel it and know it without a doubt. Plus I have raised them completely on my own for just over a decade now so I thought that making them feel secure was especially important. So now after a very long long time of having no significant other in my life, is this new person now telling me that I am insecure for needing to hear it? He has said it to me but the first time he said it I thought he almost choked. I feel that it might mean that he does not actually love me—the question lingers in my mind and the doubt builds just as you described in your article and then interactions with this person become more uncomfortable which leads him to conclude that he might be right about me being insecure–that frustrates me and makes me sad. I have tried to explain to him that I do not consider myself to be an insecure person but that since I have fallen in love with him and it means a great deal to me, that I would benefit from hearing it often. He has maintained that this must mean there is something wrong with me psychologically and even more frustrating has suggested that i don’t seem like i really love him when I actually do and it is a big deal. I am obviously very frustrated and depressed at this point. I am looking for advice on what to do.

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