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Crazy legal defenses that were tried in court – The Oral Sex Defense Comes to Mind

Posted by mandyf on December 16, 2011

People will say or do almost anything to get out of legal trouble. The offense could be anything from a simple traffic violation to a very serious charge like murder. It seems like ever since the “Twinkie Defense” was used to somewhat successfully get Dan Brown off the hook for a double homicide, legal defenses get weirder and weirder. In some cases, weird does not mean the defense is invalid, it just means you would never, ever, never in a million years expect to hear what the excuse provided is. Here for your amusement or disgust – depending on how you view them – are a few of those examples.

The Big Breasts Defense

POW!

A man alleged that the Japanese model Serena Kozakura gained entry to his room by kicking in a door and gaining entry through the opening so that she could confront him about some activities he was enjoying with another woman. Kozakura was picked up for the offense, and it did in fact go to the Tokyo High Court. When the case was heard however, Kozakura stated it would have been impossible for her to get through the opening because her 44 inch chest would never have allowed her to squeeze through. The court reviewed her 44” of evidence and dismissed the case.

The Oral Sex Defense

A 33 year old woman, Heather Specyalski, found herself charged with the death of her boyfriend Neil Esposito when he was thrown from the Mercedes convertible she was alleged to be driving. Specyalski mounted a defense that stated she could not be driving because she was giving her boyfriend oral sex at the time of the accident. When the paramedics were called to the stand, they stated that her boyfriend was in fact found with his pants down, but judging if there were any injuries that pointed toward a rapid unexpected withdrawal from oral activities was impossible due to road rash on his happy zone.

The prosecutor argued she could have been driving anyway and maybe her boyfriend had his pants down because he was mooning other vehicles, urinating out of the car, or maybe masturbating. No one else bought those explanations either, and the case was tossed. Specyalski was acquitted of all charges.

Sexsomnia Defense

A man charged with the sexual assault of a woman at a house party in Toronto was acquitted of all charges because he said he was asleep when the assault occurred. A woman at the party fell asleep or passed out on a sofa, only to be awoken by a man, Jan Luedecke,  having sex with her. He argued he suffers from sexsomnia which means he involuntarily is triggered by something in his brain to have sex with others when he falls asleep. He did have a previous history of this, and whether he really does suffer from it or not, the defense worked.

The Parrot Defense

Gary Joseph Rasp was on trial for the murder of his business partner Jane Gill in 1993, when he tried to mount a defense centered around the testimony of his star witness – the deceased’s African Grey Parrot. The logic – if that word can be used – was that the parrot, Max, would take the stand and repeat the phrase he allegedly spoke after Gill was found murdered which was “Richard, no, no, no!” That was supposed to be proof enough the murderer couldn’t be Gary, but had to be a man named Richard. The ruse failed and Rasp was convicted and sentenced to life in prison.

Raped by Bigfoot

New Ipswich, New Hampshire, resident Gene R. Morril had 20 charges pending for trying to solicit a 13 year old boy via the internet. Prior to the case going to trial, Morril claimed he was sexually assaulted by Bigfoot – yes the big hairy mythical creature, not some guy or gal with big feet. His attorney argued the claim was proof  Morril was insane and could not be competent to stand trial. Judge J. Howe Brown listened to the argument and then tossed it. He was charged with 5 counts of using electronics to solicit a child, 5 counts of attempting to take indecent liberties with a child, and 10 counts of reproducing child pornography. Morril incidentally already had one rape conviction involving a minor.

My Cat Did It Defense

Kitteh likes!!!

Keith Griffin, 48 years old of Jensen Beach, Florida, was facing charges for downloading over 1,000 images depicting child pornography. Griffin’s defense was that he was downloading music, left his computer unattended, and that when he returned his cat must jumped on the keyboard causing an embarrassing – but in his mind understandable accident.

While cats have been known to walk over and lie down on keyboards before, few have demonstrated the ability to by random sheer bad luck do so in a manner to selectively switch from downloading music to images depicting only kiddie porn. The question everyone seemed to have was if he knew his cat downloaded the images and he found them so distasteful, why didn’t he try to stop the downloads or at least delete them? No satisfactory answer for those questions could be provided and Griffin was convicted.

Plenty of other bizarre legal defenses have been mounted like “I couldn’t rape a woman because it’s Ramadan”, “Getto Boys music made me murder”, “My dog told me to kill”, and an all-time favorite “The Ouija Board spirits compelled me.” Few ever work, few even have a shred of logic to them, but sometimes they fall on the ears of the right (depending how you view it) judge and jury and lead to a win.

3 Responses to “Crazy legal defenses that were tried in court – The Oral Sex Defense Comes to Mind”

  1. I love you use of the term “happy Zone”

  2. Reblogged this on lastbabyboomer and commented:
    Funny stuff

  3. Anne Thomas said

    stranger things…

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