Mind Candy

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6 reasons you fail at picking up women – also known as why you suck at getting laid

Posted by mandyf on August 24, 2011

This is hot! Lesbians rule!

It is no secret that butt-loads  of men will do pretty much anything to get an attractive woman – or pretty much any woman if the mood is right – into bed. The same goes for women – a lot of women will do anything to get another woman into bed – and don’t act like that isn’t at least a little bit hot to think about. Even some really smooth operators that get lucky at a high percentage make simple mistakes that turn women off, so it’s not just the dorks that mess up. Some guys are content to move on and keep repeating their schtick over and over expecting a different result – which is defined as insanity, while others try to identify what went wrong and refine their technique.

In a world where we have pills designed with the sole purpose of building a better boner, enhancing by thickening, elongating  (or both for the wee-men)  the male unit, is it any wonder that science got in on the act of identifying why men strike out with the ladies so often? Believe it or not, scientists have gotten in on the business of hooking up – for good not evil – and found there are things many men do that turn women off, and they have it all on paper and discs and stuff so it must be real, right?

The first thing that was identified as a turn off to women that men insist on doing is talking. According to a study ,the odds a man has of bedding a woman – or at least getting those digits – increases in proportion to how little they talk. That sounds crazy to the fellas, but the ladies will back it up – and so does the science. Men were asked to talk to a variety of women whom would be graded (hold the anger on that) as looking average to slamming hot so fine you’d crawl a hundred miles over broken glass just to hear them fart on the phone hot.

With the women that were graded on the average side of looks, men performed fairly well when their cognitive abilities were tested. The more attractive the woman was however the worse they did – and this is simple cognitive stuff like recalling their own phone number, address, date of birth. It isn’t that they flat out got the answers wrong, in most cases it just took them longer to recall them – they actually had to divert their attention in some cases to answer. In basic terms, the hotter men find a woman, the dumber they get. This phenomena was explained in the study as being the product of men being more “reproductively focused” which is the geek way of saying men are really distracted when they think they can get laid.

The next big screw up is when men fake acting interested. There is actual data (although admittedly a little suspect) to back up that when men seem too interested in whatever a woman is talking about or doing they wind up coming off as being needy to a large percentage of women. Needy is not a turn on and is not going to get a guy to the land of milk and honey.

Photo by: anthony kelly from uk

It even applies online to some degree. OK Cupid conducted a study in which the photos of men looking directly at the camera (needy) were compared to men who looked away (not needy) and found that the men who had photos in which they looked away from the camera got way more messages than those who didn’t. Okay, that isn’t super scientific, but it counts for something. The key seems to be showing interest in women – just not a specific one. Of course you could go gay and then you’ll have women all over you, but that’s only for use in emergency situations, and once you take that approach the odds are you won’t be getting any unless hour long gabfests on the phone count as scoring for you.

Men that dance decrease their odds of picking up a woman. Actually men that are bad dancers but insist on doing it anyway decrease their odds. If your moves are limited to the 70’s air guitar, the Beavis and Butthead style fist pumps and kicks, or the head bob, you aren’t getting anywhere with that arsenal. An honest to goodness study shows that a man’s ability to dance well actually sends off subliminal signals that he is a good fertile partner suitable for mating. A bad dancer sends the message that they have inferior DNA and should be avoided like the plague or until you really need a ride home and have no cab fare or friends willing to come get you.

This doesn't tend to get the ladies hot (photo by Marco Plassio)

Be careful with the compliments, they often backfire. Men that tell women they are attractive too early on are rejected at a higher rate. In part it is due to sending out the needy vibe, being a little creepy, and also a bit of not saying she looks great the right way. As hard as it may be to believe, women do appreciate being noticed for things aside from their looks and would like to be complimented on those assets. The other factor is how you compliment. You don’t tell a woman you just met she is: slamming, banging, hot, or beautiful as those words increase the odds of rejection and are just plain tired. Why not try words like radiant, glowing, or stunning if you absolutely cannot keep your mouth shut about it.

You are the nice guy – you remember to call when you say you will, you never pressure her for sex, you listen to everything she has to say, you hold her hair when she pukes and then clean up after the event. You’re a nice guy…You’re going to get nowhere in most cases, and there is scientific proof of that now, nice guys do finish last – or at least second – when it comes to attracting the ladies.

A different bad boy than this - but he is in leather soooo.... (photo by Boss Tweed)Women like the bad boy. Nice guys are relegated to the friend zone because the nice guys do not exhibit the traits that make them seem like productive partners to reproduce. Nice guys are great to settle down with and have raise your kids, pay the bills, and of course hold your hair back when you puke, but they are also boring. In an ideal world women would have a string of bad boys for their carnal desires and a nice guy at home for everything else – and he wouldn’t mind your trysts because he’ a nice guy after all.

 Your name sucks – and you really can blame your parents for that. A study conducted in which people were judged as to how attractive and successful they were perceived to be based on photos found that names make a difference. James, David, and Michael scored high, while George and Paul didn’t fare so well. No word on where Ringo came in. if you fall into the ugly name category you can upgrade to a more appealing one or work on lading a woman who has a name that rates equal to yours to increase your odds of success.

Of course not everyone will agree with this or the science behind it and that’s fine. The thing is if you look deep down and get real with yourself…you pretty much know it’s true even if you don’t want to admit it. Of course if all this turns you off to men, there is always lesbianism – or the guys can go gay – either or because there’s nothing wrong with that.


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