Mind Candy

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Is Michele Bachmann an idiot or just riding the short bus?

Posted by mandyf on August 8, 2011

Michele Bachmann is crazy. To be honest, I think she transcends crazy and goes straight off the deep end to batshit crazy. What is scary though is that Michele Bachmann really seems to believe the flow of diarrhea that steadily drips out of her mouth – and others somehow seem to as well. Beyond that, there is the question of how full of shit is she? Is she half full of shit? Is Bachmann full of shit or is she overflowing with shit? Anyway you wipe it, we’re dealing with  a lot of fecal matter. Here are some of the things that indicate to the sane and even only partially rational that Michele Bachmann is for all intents and purposes one whacked out chick that has lost a grip on reality.

1) We can step back in time a bit to November of 2004 when Michele Bachmann said the Lion King was gay propaganda. At the  EdWatch National Education Conference, Bachmann stated that the “normalization” of homosexuality through animated movies like the Lion King would lead to “desensitization”: “Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders, is take a picture of ‘The Lion King’ for instance, and a teacher might say, ‘Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?’ The message is: I’m better at what I do, because I’m gay.” Clearly this is a woman that has no freakin’ clue. What second grader A) Knows Elton John B) Knows Elton John is gay C) Gives a shit about Elton John or his being gay D) Is going to be exposed to Michelle Bachmann who is apparently one of the only people on Earth to have connected these dots in this exact pattern?

2) According to Michele Bachmann “Not all cultures are created equal.” In her own twisted warped way, she really believes this. How do we know she does? Primarily because this is a topic she has addressed multiple times and has stayed the course on. There is no need to expand on this, the venomous contempt for everyone not of her own beliefs speaks for itself. She is a bigot.

Is this what Michele Bachmann is sooo afraid of?? Photo by:Magnus Manske

3) “And what a bizarre time we’re in, when a judge will say to little children that you can’t say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it.” For starters – what the fuck is she talking about? What judge said this? Is it a mystery judge, because there is no amount of Google power returning a hit on any judge saying this. It’s one thing to stretch the truth or mildly extrapolate on a point, but holy shit! I bet her ass is hot from the flames burning her pants!

4) “Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t one study that can show that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.” This is part of the reason why everyone should thank the maker she was booted from the charter school she helped form and kept off the school board. Bachmann is so anti-science that she has gone stupid. She has literally knocked a few IQ points off. In the concentrations that CO2 naturally occurs on Earth, it is relatively harmless. CO2 in not however harmless at any level or the slightly increased level now present in the atmosphere. Raises in the CO2 level have negative ramifications which must be dealt with at the current level of .004 – not 3% that Bachmann claims is present. This was just an example of her making shit up off the cuff on the floor without realizing everyone that made it through HS chemistry knows she is full of shit. Full transcript of the rant here

5) At an Aril 9, 2005, town hall meeting, Bachmann left the discussion 20 minutes early to avoid answering questions concerning same sex marriage – this after hiding in the bushes with her security officer to watch a gay rights rally. Where it gets weird is that when she went to the bathroom, two women that wanted to continue the discussion followed her – a former nun and 5’ tall middle aged woman. The crux of the discussion was to entail posing a theological question to Bachmann for a response. That never really happened.

While washing her hands, Bachmann began shrieking “I am being held against my will.” No shit, she really yelled that. She threw the door open and raced to a waiting SUV where she demanded a police report be filed against the two women. She went on record that she was, according to the police report,  “absolutely terrified and that she has never more terrorized before as she had no idea what those two women were going to do to her.” The Washington C. attorney declined to prosecute, and the state police that arrived for the “meltdown” were said to have stared at her in utter disbelief. Would a even marginally rational person do that?

6) Michele Bachmann’s education history is….well…bullshit it would seem. On her congressional webpage, Bachmann lists her HS and Winona College. The problem is she also says that she graduated from Oral Roberts and William and Mary -at WM her degree was supposedly tax law. Now, as Will Ferrell said in Starsky and Hutch, “things might get a little weird.”

Oral Roberts is not a law school. It wasn’t a law school 20 years ago – or 30 or 40. It just isn’t. Coburn which is affiliated to Oral Roberts is however a law school, so if Bachmann was going to a law school, it would have had to have been Coburn. Now here’s the problem – saying she went to Oral Roberts when she went to Coburn is only half the story. Coburn was under investigation for mingling too much religion into their law classes and producing attorneys that were incapable of practicing any form of viable law in the US. The long and short is that Coburn was not an accredited institution so any degree from there from ‘79 on was as useful as a roll of Life Savers to combat a scorching case of genital herpes. But wait – there’s more!

Michele Bachman claims to have an LL.M. in tax law – a post grad degree that would have come from William and Mary. The problem is William and Mary does not offer that degree – then or now. Well, actually they do offer an LL.M as a title for foreign students. Yeah…not the same thing at all…..So…How the hell is she a tax attorney? What the hell are her real credentials and where did they come from? Coburn was actually forcibly mandated to close because it could not get accredited. This leads to another point –

7) Is she hiding anything else? We’re not talking about the lesbian half-sister Michele Bachmann pretends does not exist, let’s stay on track with her professional credentials. When and where did Michele Bachmann pass the bar Exam? Was it in Minnesota in 1986 as her unsanitized “pre-presidential run” bio claims? That would be difficult. In 1986, Bachmann had just graduated from a school in Oklahoma and was on her way to a school in Virginia. It is POSSIBLE she could have detoured prior to graduating to Minnesota to take the bar exam. But….how could she with a “law degree” from an unaccredited university? How could she be the 1 student to keep her JD from that class when everyone else had to go to another school to get one? Never mind that now because her old bio says she graduated from William and Mary in 1988 with that mystery LL.M. The problem is, aside from WM not offering that degree then,  there is no record of her taking the bar in Minnesota in 1988. Or 1989. Where is the record for her Multistate Professional Responsibility Examination which Minnesota requires BEFORE taking the bar exam? Forget all of that for another second.

8) Michele Bachmann claims to have tried “thousands of cases” for the IRS. In her very brief stint with the IRS, it would be difficult. In the five years she was there, assuming a work calendar of 240 work days per year, to try “thousands” of cases, she would need to have around 1.66 cases every single working day from day one to day 1200 on the payroll to reach just 2,000 cases. That is one hell of a record – if it is true.

9) Michele Bachmann helped found a charter school in Stillwater, MN in 1993 and she resigned (rather than be booted out like a Ray Guy punt) for wanting to teach things like creationism and the “12 Christian Principles.”

10) Michele Bachmann the mother figure….Bachmann was a licensed foster mother which is noble and she deserves praise for, however…..biatch puhleeze!!!!! You did not really raise 23 foster children! Bachmann speaks of her time as a foster parent as though she raised these 23 kids from cradle to grave. The fact is she was a foster parent for 7 ½ years – that is on file with the state, Google it if you must. She was licensed to have 3 foster children at any one time. That means that when we whip out our calculator we see these numbers:

7 ½ years = 90 months
23 foster children over 90 = 3.913 months. That means that if each child stayed the same length of time they would be with her for that total.

Of course some kids stayed longer, some stayed a week a couple reputedly made it past a couple years. But none remained beyond the          7 /½ years actually being adopted, and if any stayed that long it meant the average time for others was lessened meaning for all intents and purposes she did have a bit of a revolving door going on. It is great she took kids for any amount of time – it is a good intention. It is just a total twat move to portray she was hyper-involved in actually Raising all these kids.

Isn't Silver Daddy Bachmann just super fab in front of a pink backdrop! Photo by David Shankbone

10) She is married to Marcus Bachmann. I mean c’mon! This guy makes a living on the “pray away the gay” scam. She is happy to cash the Medicaid checks coming in for that horseshit service. Marcus “ Silver Daddy” Bachmann looks like a typical in the closet self-hating homosexual that desperately wants some young stud to call him daddy and go OTK. There is no proof of it, just pure speculation, but doesn’t it seem like someone that hates gays so much has to have a reason – like maybe he took a few shots in the mouth when he was younger? Just an off the wall piece of speculation. Listen, this guy is a world class dick, and to be married to him she must be a world class twat.

11) In February of 2011 she was seriously floating the bobber out there that in order to help settle the deficit $4.5 billion of obligations to veterans should be dropped. Now….you don’t have to like the war. You don’t have to like the reasons for the war. You do however have to respect the promises made to the bad asses hanging it out there on the line fighting with greater alacrity than she and her bloated beard…err…husband…will ever understand. This is as clear a demonstration as there is that this is a woman that does not understand what honor is. For that alone she is a twat.

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