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Pizza K Lilburn GA – We really are wankers!

Posted by mandyf on July 25, 2011

The Pizza K in Lilburn Georgia is not okay! The Liliburn Pizza K is the type of place that Forrest Gump would describe as a box chocolates since you never know what you’re going to get. The problem with that however is that you do know what you’re going to get – you just don’t know how they are going to screw it up – that’s the mystery.

Pizza K did a small advertising blitz in our neighborhood – basically hanging menus on doors as much else may have been too complex. The thing about Pizza K is sometimes you get something that tastes good, sometimes you get good service, but never do you get those as a pair. Depending on your specific needs that day you hope for one or the other and cross your fingers. Such was the case we recently Had with Pizza K.

Pizza K was offering a 20% discount to people that would order using their online system. This was nothing short of a massive WTF type of moment. The website appears to have been newly made, but the technology they used appears too be from the early 1980’s. Not only that, the people working the store have no idea what information is on the website – possibly that they even have a website. It really is that messed up.

So we place our order for two sandwiches which come with bags of chips – after realizing that the shopping cart feature is a little. We get the order in and apparently it is correct because it took down our sandwich fixin’ options and all that great stuff. Next we applied to coupon code to get our discount of 20% off. With the coupon our total was only like $9.30 – but that was okay because the website says delivery orders need to be over $9 so we spent enough. We hit the order button and nothing. The site let’s you enter an order but it does not actually accept your order. So we call….

The manager says the site will not process the order because it is not an order over $10. We point out that the site clearly says orders have to be over $9, which ours is, and was also over $10 before applying the coupon code. After a few flustered answers and rationalizations of having no idea regarding what was on the site for his own freakin’ store he said he would work things out since we agreed to add an order of fries to get it over ten dollars and end this 15 minute ordeal with the manager in charge of thumbs up asses.

After a couple more minutes he figures he has a solution and we were hungry so we said whatever just get us our food please – and we did all of this very politely so as not to provide anyone a reason to wipe their ass with our food. Now we begin waiting. After around 40 minutes the food arrives – a little bit.

We get the fries just fine and we get the sandwiches, but we do not get the chips that are advertised as coming with the sandwiches in about 5000 damn places. The delivery guy seemed okay, a bit stoned, but nice enough. He shared his belief that it was a bad idea to ever order anything from Pizza K online, or anything from Pizza K at all really. He had no idea what happened to the chips or why the bill was so messed up. Here is how it all happened sp you know before you order.

Our order and bill should have looked like this:

Chicken parm sandwich with chips, toasted – $5.49
Italian Combo sandwich  with chips, no Italian dressing, add mustard, onions and jalapenos, do not toast – $5.49

Subtotal w/o tax 10.98
½ lb. of fries – $1.99

Total w/o tax 12.97

This means we should be getting 1/2lb of fries, two bags of chips and two sandwiches. Using our 20% coupon the total should be $10.39. That seems pretty fair. It just cannot be fair because Pizza K FUCKS YOU with the online order! They fuck you and fuck you some more! The Italian was slathered in Mayo, and Italian dressing with no mustard or onions and rather than being served cold it was lightly toasted. They fuck you, they fuck you, they fuck you! Here’s another reason why:

As stated – we never got the chips and one sandwich was way wrong.  Nobody had any idea about any kind of chips even though it is on all of their advertising material. Maybe the stoned looking driver ate them in the 40 minutes it took to drive 2 ½ miles to get us our damn sandwiches! Then, the bill is not $10.39 plus tax, the frickin’ bill is just under $13.00? How did that happen? Oh that was the $2 delivery surcharge added on to every delivery order which is not actually disclosed all that clearly. On their material, at the very bottom in pathetically tiny print I can barely read using my vision enhancement goggles is a blurb stating a delivery charge MAY apply, but not specifying what the charge actually is. The guy on the phone never disclosed there was a delivery charge. The fucking driver didn’t even know there was a delivery charge added on. He looked all lost sitting there waiting for a tip. Sorry dude, the Dingo ate your tip! Your tip paid the delivery charge, fight it out with your manager – not that you should be tipped after fucking up the order!

And we were still getting fucked besides that because when you add the cost of the fries to the sandwiches the total was $12.59 as stated above. Rather than give us 20% off because the pantload that had to put this whole deal together with the manager  couldn’t figure out how to discount 20%. Instead he gave us a free order of $2 fries instead of our $2.58 cents off. We’re not hard up for the .59 difference by any means, it’s the principle of it all.

So my take on the Pizza K in Lilburn is this – the sandwiches are sort of okay. One sandwich, the chicken parm, was pretty good. The fries were mediocre. Nothing to brag about at all. The online system is about as useful as a half decomposed catheter buried in ground up glass. The phone service trying to call the order in…..seriously…..cop half a clue as to what the fuck is on your menu and what any of your advertising material says. Try some cooks that know how to read or can at least recognize a system of audible directions to correctly construct an order.

Photo by Xavier Snelgrove (Not a Pizza K sandwich by a long shot)

Try getting people on your register that know how to work all the buttons – even the ones that don’t have idiot tags with pictures on them. Try a driver that has decent nail polish. I have nothing against guys wearing nail polish or guy liner, but for fucks sake – if the polish is ll chipped and gnarly fix that shit before you go to work! Make sure your eyeliner is on correctly so it isn’t all clumped and looking like someone just beat the shit out of you with your own bong! Try a manager that gives a shit about real-time complaints and follows-up rather than sits there doing nothing.

In summation, the Lilburn Pizza K blows a floppy donkey dick. It sucks and I find no redeeming quality in it. For a dollar or so more you can go to Murray in a Hurry and get the same stuff delivered in a reasonable time frame without hidden costs prepared the way you actually ordered it – and so far their food never gave me diarrhea like Pizza K did.

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